i feel like a BITCH !!!

dear blogger !

what a really shocking title....
well, i do fill like a BITCH, is not that I'm "BITCH".
i feel sucks...
i'm a total LOSER !
gw selalu merasa diri gw yang paling hebat, and to be honest, i love all the attention that people give me..., i love when people love me the most.
and to be a total bad ass hole, i do talk behind my friends back....
gimana rasa nya klo lu minder, tmn" lu keren n supaya fit in, gw suka ngadu domba.....
i'm not trying to be a jerk...
but i just don't wanna be left behind....
i'm scared that people will go and talk behind my back....
i sometimes even lie to be cool infront of my friends to be truth it's to cover my own feelings....
GOD NO !!!! i totally hate my self right now....
i do feel like a BITCH....
what should i do...
at some point of time, i always think that i'm freaking great, beautifull, adorable and even talented.... people are jealous with me....
BUT, i'm actually the one that are jealous.....
i can't always be so good, i get jealous with my friend, and even with my own brother.
i do sometimes try to behave like super fabulous..., in the end i realized that i'm suck....
i just scared that people will leave me....

i try to be brave and honest.. i don't want people to underestimate me again...
so for those people who read this, don't be angry or leave me... i'm just trying to be honest everybody else, and more important thing is to be honest with my self, my thought and mind could be wrong... and i'm trying to fixed it....